Lock your doors, I'm on the road

One of the first things I realised about learning to drive is that it can be quite humiliating. Atleast if you're 26.

All I kept thinking during my first lesson, whilst only being allowed to touch the accelerator, was that 'most people doing this are 17'. It's a bit like being held back a year at school. Although instead of it being a year, it is 9 years.

What makes it worse is that I was taken to place where other learners take their lessons. It was particularly humbling when I was over-taken by a girl in a school uniform.

The instructor
John isn't really my driving instructor's name, but I have protected his identity due to the expected popularity of this blog. The attention wouldn't be fair.

On first meeting John I was a little concerned. He seemed crazy, dressed in his chino trousers and jesus creepers with socks on. John seems to think it is his role not only to educate me on driving, but also on the state of our broken society.

We’ll often be mid-road, mid-manoeuvre, when John will launch into a lambasting attack on the jobless for their laziness, or the government for the rate of tax or the neighbours for their inconsiderate filling of a giant paddling pool. At first I was concerned this would affect my tuition, but now I enjoy it and it keeps me relaxed.

Also John is what I would call old-school. He started by telling me he had been teaching for 29 years. Although with all of the other jobs he seems to have had, including one of Cadbury, I'm a little dubious of the maths.

Anyway, in true old school fashion, instead of a laptop with a powerpoint or official drawings, John uses hand drawn diagrams decorated with coloured pencils. They look a bit like a child’s attempt at drawing a sunny day. But as he was soon to tell me 'they haven't let him down in 29 years' and on that I trust him.

Lesson one
So the important thing about lesson one is that it got me moving. After the briefest of discussions on the different mechanisms within the car - pedals, steering wheel, handbrake - I was put in the driving seat. At first I was just given control of the 'gas' and the steering wheel whilst John took care of gears and breaking.

I did eventually move up to taking control of the gears (first and second) and then the brake. But to be honest I found the progression a little tricky. When I was just steering I was fine. If I had to touch the gear stick, or even look in the mirror I started veering. At best I would be going left, so just start heading towards parked cars. At worst I would be taking a right, so veering into the oncoming traffic.

Luckily John's reactions were deceivingly quick. As soon as I started to veer into oncoming traffic, he would grab the wheel and together we would straighten up and change gear. He could even do this whilst ranting: "how much debt are you in? Terrible the government puts you in all that debt. You ain't got a chance." Thankfully he wasn't talking about my driving.